Friday, January 20, 2006

Keeping You Safe Here at Fishtown Chatter

Helful Terrorist Attack Hints-Signage courtesy of

If you have set yourself on fire, don't run

If you spot terrorism, blow your terrorism whistle,
If you are bald, yell really loud

If you spot a terrorist arrow, pin it to the door with your shoulder.

If you are sprayed by an unknown substance, contemplate it for awhile before seeing the doctor.

Us a flashlight beam to lift the concrete walls right off of you.

The pro[er way to eliminate smallpox is to wash with soap and water using at least one armless hand.

Michael Jackson is a terrorist-if you spot this smoothe criminal with dead, dead eyes, run the f@*kl away.

Hurricanes, animal corpses, dead fish and the biohazard symbol have a lot in common. Think about it.

Be on the lookout for terrorists with pinkeye and leprosy. Also, they tend to rub their hands together manically.

If a door is closed, karate chop it open

If your building collapses, give yourself a b***j** while waiting to be rescued

Try to absorb as much of the radiation as possible with your groin region. After 5 minutes and 12 seconds, however, you may become sterile.

After exposure to radiation it is important to consider that you may have mutated to gigantic dimensions: watch your head.

If you've become a radiation mutant with a deformed hand, remember to close the window. No one wants to see that shit.

If you hear the Backstreet Boys, Michael Bolton or Yanni on the radio, cower in the corner or run like hell.

If your lungs and stomach start talking, stand with your arms akimbo until they stop.

Austin is radioactive, move to Houston

If you are trapped under falling debris, conserve oxygen by not farting.

If you lose a contact lens during a chemical attack, do not stop to look for it.

Do not drive a station wagon if a power pole is protruding from the hood.

A one-inch thick piece of plywood should be sufficient protection against radiation. Always carry one!


Blogger Paige said...

So I have a warped mind-I find this very very funny & almost blew milk out of my nose.

3:04 PM  

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