Two Great Texas Jokes

From Joan at Walk This Way:


1. "A cowboy rode into town and stopped at a saloon for a drink. Unfortunately, the locals had a habit of picking on strangers. When he finished his drink, he found his horse had been stolen. He went back into the bar and with a quick move of his hands, he flipped his guns into the air, caught them above his head without even looking and fired at the ceiling.

"Which one of you sidewinders stole my hoss!?" he yelled. No one answered.

"Alright, I'm gonna have anotha beer, and if my hoss ain't back outside by the time I finnish, I'm gonna do what I dun in Texas! And I don't like to have to do what I dun in Texas!"

Some of the locals shifted restlessly. He had another beer, walked outside, and his horse was back! As he swung up into the saddle and started to ride out of town, the bartender ran out of the saloon and asked, "Say partner, before you go... what happened in Texas?" The cowboy turned back and said, "I walked home."


2. "Three cowboys of the world are sitting around camp talking about how tough they were and the tales kept getting bigger and bigger.

The cowboy from Australia says, I wrestled a 200 pound crocodile and made it cry like a baby.

The Cowboy from Brazil shakes his head and says, I killed a 400 pound steer with my bare hands.

The Cowboy from Texas just smiled and kept stirring the campfire with his penis."