Monday, May 30, 2005

If You Can't Blog, Copy=Part 1

Memorial Day Laziness-But you can't do better that this!

This is Rich...

Oh, boo-effing-hoo. Robby Gordon is dropping out of the Indy 500 because he believes that Danica Patrick, that hot new female racer, has an unfair advantage due to her diminutive stature. Her car will be lighter, see, so he's taking his ball and going home until NASCAR The IRL drives her out or makes her weight her car down. Even though, uh, her car already weighs the pre-established, regulation amount for a racing vehicle in that circuit. Oh, the pain! Oh, the unfairness of it all! Waaah!

You know what, Robby, you big whiner? You just made yourself look like one of the biggest pussies of all time. I mean, here are chicks like Annika Sorenstam, just dying to compete with men in spite of all the God-given physical advantages that men have in sports like golf, even though she's pretty sure she's still going to lose. Do you get that? Sorenstam loves the sport, so she naturally wants to be able to say she's competed with the best, regardless of the fact that she can never be as tall or as strong as the men she competes with. Conversely, here you are, bitching and moaning because this tiny little woman might have a 1mph advantage over you? You abject loser. You total wimp. Yeah, you love your sport. You want to compete with the best - just as long as no wimmen git uppity. Then it suuuuucks.

You think Robby Gordon would be dropping out if Danica Patrick was a skinny little hick young 'un from the Georgia pineywoods with a penis? I doubt it, even if that skinny little young 'un weighed the same as Patrick. Nooo, you'd just hear the commentators going on and on about how cool it was for that skinny bepenised hick that his car was so light, and on the race would run. Why, anyone would feel stupid complaining about a skinny man, right? Right? But, as Robby demonstrates his credo, when you throw in a vagina, all bets are off.

Boo hoo, life isn't fair. I guess Robby hasn't considered simply driving better, competing harder. Or going on a diet, to slim his ass down and reduce the advantage. Oooh, this chaps my arse. Can you tell?

Yeah...after all, women have such an unfair physical power in this sport. That's why they've won so many Indy 500's, right, Robby? It's also unfair that you have to race against older, more seasoned guys, since they have the advantage of experience. We should eliminate them, too. And while we're at it, it's unfair that some guys have better pit-crews. So everyone has to do their own pit work. Yeah, it will really slow down the action, but everything will be fair. And since we're going there, I guess it's unfair that some racers make more money than others, when everyone races the same race. So we'll just do a little good old fashioned income redistribution - divide the pot amongst all the racers, so it will be fair. Because as everyone knows, it is the ultimate principle that nobody gets an advantage. Somebody winning gives their team more money to work on better and faster vehicles. That would weight other races, and well, all hell would break loose!!!

This line of thinking, ladies and gents, is What Is Wrong With America.

Gaah. I've steamed up my monitor...but it does rankle. A no-contact sport, waged in machines. The one place that a woman could attempt to compete on a level playing field without reducing or watering down the pre-existing rules of engagement for that sport, those sorts of compromises in excellence being a topic I hear guys bitching about all the time. This playing field in racing is one of mental stamina, quick reflexes and a different kind of physical endurance. A sport in which we really might be equals - and Robby stalks off because there's a chance he might get beat by a girl.

It's 2005, Robby, you sad, scared little man. If Danica Patrick's vehicle didn't meet regulation weight, I would totally see your point. Since it does meet all of NASCAR's The IRL's requirements, your point just makes you look like a jerk.

UPDATE: Many thanks to Phin and Terry Reynolds for pointing out that I should have been referencing the Indy Racing League or "IRL" instead of NASCAR. Whoops!

From Suburban Blight-Link on the sidebar!


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