Bush drops the "F" Bomb

Bush Drops F-Bombs, Knowledge On Tony Blair

Much has been made of the supposedly off-the-air conversation between U.S. President George W.Stopdoingthisshit Bush and British Prime Minister Tony Blair at the G8 Summit in Russia. Speaking on the recent clashes between Israel and Hezbollah in Lebanon, and thinking that the microphone was turned off, President Bush opined that "the thing is what they need to do is to get Syria, to get Hezbollah to stop doing this s*** and it's over."

The President's egregious use of foul language was such that fellow fake news organ The New York Times, broke with two of their long-standing positions in their publication of Bush's remarks; using the "s-word" and opposing spying on American citizens.

"We felt that it was in the public's best interest to highlight the use of a Presidential s-bomb," stated a Times spokesman. "If he can say things like that when he thinks no one is listening, then what do you think he's doing when... he... umm... well you know what I mean."

TNOYF's Senior Presidential Cursing Correspondent was on hand to capture several other potty-mouthed Bush-to-Blair asides. Among these are the following:

* "Damned if that Clay Aiken can't belt out a motherf***ing sweet tune."
* "I swear to God if Chirac doesn't shut his crepe`-hole about Israel's 'disproportionate response' I'm gonna go straight gangsta on his a**."
* "Whoever the f*** decided to mix chocolate and peanut butter was a f***ing genius!"
* "Hey T-man, do you have room in the trunk of your limo for the Dixie Chicks? Those a**holes went too far this last time."

Again from The Nose on Your Face.

Slow Times in Danbury, Conn.

Woman blinded in one eye by carrot

MONROE (AP) - A 46-year-old man is accused of assaulting his wife with a carrot, causing her to lose sight in one eye.

Roderick Vecsey is charged with second-degree assault and disorderly conduct.

Pamela Vecsey, 46, underwent six outs of surgery after being hit in the left eye with the vegetable Saturday night, but doctors were not able to restore her vision, prosecutor Stephanie Damiani said.

The couple was arguing when Roderick Vecsey tossed the carrot, Damiani said.

Roderick Vecsey told Judge Patrick Carroll that it was a terrible accident, and was advised to remain silent.

The judge set a hearing for Thursday. Vecsey is currently free after posting $500 bond.

Irish National Yoga Team Takes Home Top Honors

Our sincere congratulations go out to the lads from the Irish National Yoga Team for winning first place at the recently completed "World Cup of Yoga". In this exclusive photo taken from one of their training sessions, Keegan O'Shea (piss drunk at right) demonstrates the limp-bodied form that left the rest of the world in their collective wake. Meanwhile, Steven McGuiggan (piss drunk at left) quietly encourages his teammate.
(From The Nose on Your Face)

Pithy Putdowns

I know you are nobody's fool but maybe someone will adopt you.

A half-wit gave you a piece of his mind, and you held on to it.

If idiots could fly, this would be an airport.

A sharp tongue is no indication of a keen mind.

I would have liked to insult you, but with your intelligence you wouldn't get offended.

Alone: In bad company.

Any friend of yours ... is a friend of yours.

I'd like to leave you with one thought ... but I'm not sure you have a place to put it!

Any similarity between you and a human is purely coincidental!

Anyone who told you to be yourself couldn't have given you worse advice.

If ignorance is bliss, you must be orgasmic.

Are you always so stupid or is today a special occasion?

As an outsider, what do you think of the human race?

It's hard to get the big picture when you have such a small screen.

At least you are not obnoxious like so many other people - you are obnoxious in a different and worse way!

I'm glad to see you're not letting your education get in the way of your ignorance.

Believe me, I don't want to make a monkey out of you. Why should I take all the credit?

If sex were fast food, you'd have an arch over your head.

Better at sex than anyone, now all he needs is a partner.

You're the best at all you do - and all you do is make people hate you.

Calling you stupid would be an insult to stupid people.

Keep talking. I always yawn when I'm interested.

Did you eat paint chips when you were a kid?

If you stand close enough to him, you can hear the ocean.

Ignorance can be cured. Stupid is forever

Do you have to leave so soon? I was about to poison the tea.

I've come across decomposed bodies that are less offensive than you are.

Do you want me to accept you as you are or do you want me to like you?

Instead of being born again, why don't you just grow up?

Doesn't know the meaning of the word fear, but then again he doesn't know the meaning of most words.

I've had many cases of love that were just infatuation, but this hate I feel for you is the real thing.

Don't get insulted, but is your job devoted to spreading ignorance?

Keep talking, someday you'll say something intelligent!

Don't think, it may sprain your brain!

Make a mental note . . . oh, I see you're out of paper!

Don't you have a terribly empty feeling ---- in your skull?

Never enter a battle of wits unarmed.

Don't you love nature, despite what it did to you?

People say that you are the perfect idiot. I say that you are not perfect but you are doing all right.

Don't you realize that there are enough people to hate in the world already without your working so hard to give us another?

She's like Taco Bell. When people see her, they run for the border.

Perhaps your whole purpose in life is simply to serve as a warning to others.

He smells the coffee, but can't find a cup.

Now go away or I shall taunt you a second time.

He would be out of his depth in a parking lot puddle.

If manure were music, you'd be a brass band.

I wonder how many angels could dance on his head?

I certainly hope you are sterile.

His men would follow him anywhere, but only out of morbid curiosity.

He's the only man who, if told to screw himself, could do it.

He's the first in his family born without a tail.

He's so dense that light bends around him.

So, a thought crossed your mind? Must have been a long and lonely journey.

Someone said you are not fit to sleep with pigs. I stuck up for the pigs.

Talk is cheap, but so are you.

The cream rises to the top. So does the scum.

They shot him through the stupid forest, and he didn't miss a tree.

Too bad stupidity isn't painful.

We all spring from apes but you didn't spring far enough.

When you fell out of the ugly tree, you hit every branch on the way down.

A half-wit gave you a piece of his mind, and you held on to it.

When you were born, God admitted that even He could make a mistake!

A guy with your IQ should have a low voice too!

You are living proof that manure can grow legs and walk.

You have a face only a mother could love - and she hates it!

A demitasse would fit his head like a sombrero.

You will never be able to live down to your reputation!

Best Obituary Ever

Frederic Arthur (Fred) Clark
Frederic Arthur (Fred) Clark, who had tired of reading obituaries noting other's courageous battles with this or that disease, wanted it known that he lost his battle as a result of an automobile accident on June 18, 2006. True to Fred's personal style, his final hours were spent joking with medical personnel while he whimpered, cussed, begged for narcotics and bargained with God to look over his wife and kids. He loved his family. His heart beat faster when his wife of 37 years Alice Rennie Clark entered the room and saddened a little when she left. His legacy was the good works performed by his sons, Frederic Arthur Clark III and Andrew Douglas Clark MD, PhD., along with Andy's wife, Sara Morgan Clark. Fred's back straightened and chest puffed out when he heard the Star Spangled Banner and his eyes teared when he heard Amazing Grace. He wouldn't abide self important tight *censored*. Always an interested observer of politics, particularly what the process does to its participants, he was amused by politician's outrage when we lie to them and amazed at what the voters would tolerate. His final wishes were "throw the bums out and don't elect lawyers" (though it seems to make little difference). During his life he excelled at mediocrity. He loved to hear and tell jokes, especially short ones due to his limited attention span. He had a life long love affair with bacon, butter, cigars and bourbon. You always knew what Fred was thinking much to the dismay of his friend and family. His sons said of Fred, "he was often wrong, but never in doubt". When his family was asked what they remembered about Fred, they fondly recalled how Fred never peed in the shower - on purpose. He died at MCV Hospital and sadly was deprived of his final wish which was to be run over by a beer truck on the way to the liquor store to buy booze for a double date to include his wife, Rush Limbaugh and Ann Coulter to crash an ACLU cocktail party. In lieu of flowers, Fred asks that you make a sizable purchase at your local ABC store or Virginia winery (please, nothing French - the *censored*) and get rip roaring drunk at home with someone you love or hope to make love to. Word of caution though, don't go out in public to drink because of the alcohol related laws our elected officials have passed due to their inexplicable terror at the sight of a MADD lobbyist and overwhelming compulsion to meddle in our lives. No funeral or service is planned. However, a party will be held to celebrate Fred's life. It will be held in Midlothian, Va. Email fredsmemory@yahoo.com for more information. Fred's ashes will be fired from his favorite cannon at a private party on the Great Wicomico River where he had a home for 25 years. Additionally, all of Fred's friend (sic) will be asked to gather in a phone booth, to be designated in the future, to have a drink and wonder, "Fred who?"
Published in the Richmond Times-Dispatch on 7/9/2006.

July 4th in America

From Ralph Kinney Bennett at Tech Central Station:

Liberty is the air America breathes...
-- On a plaque in the pedestal of the Statue of Liberty

"As usual we'll gather at Conneaut Lake, up in northwestern Pennsylvania, as we have, some of us, for forty years or more.

A lot of folks who bought fireworks on the way up will be anxious to use them and we'll hear crackers going off all weekend.

On the Fourth, toward evening, we'll build a fire on the little pebbled beach by the lake and line up a couple of picnic tables. Neighbors will bring hot dogs and buns, marshmallows and coleslaw, deviled eggs and baked beans and watermelon and potato chips. There'll be Cokes and iced tea and lemonade.

Some of the younger kids will have to be dragged out of the water by the dock and told to put their fishing poles down and we'll all gather around Mr. Hessler's flag pole and someone will give thanks for the food and for the families gathered there, then end with something like "we thank you God for this great country and for our freedom." It will be a loud prayer to be heard above the sound of the motor boats and jet skis out on the lake.

Then we'll eat and laugh, shielding ourselves from the heat of the fire with our free hand while holding our hot dog roasting sticks in the other. When the darkness finally begins to gather we'll throw another log on the fire, toast marshmallows and sit back to watch the fireworks rising in the sky over Conneaut Lake Park, just a half mile across the water.

It is unlikely there will be any discussions of the meaning of liberty or reflections on the Declaration of Independence and the men who signed it. No history lessons or patriotic readings. We'll just relax and joke and maybe sing a little, and after the fireworks we'll look at the stars as we herd sleepy grandchildren back to our cottages or drive home to tumble into bed to the sound of the last few firecrackers and bottle rockets.

That's the whole point of it, you know. The whole point. To be so free, so much a part of something unique and strong and wonderful, so safe inside that wonderful thing called the United States, that you really don't even have to think about it.

In the smell of that cook fire, in the giggles and shouts as the fireworks lace the night sky, in the warmth of old friendships, in all the unshadowed freedom of the moment, lies the essence of what we celebrate.

It seems too simple and almost irreverent somehow, this unspoken yet grateful intuition about liberty and independence. But it's really the sublime culmination of all the dreams and sacrifices of our forefathers -- this happy gathering for no other purpose than to enjoy the blessing of being Americans."

Cats That Look Like Hitler

Thank God for the internet-where else can you find this stuff?

Happy 6-6-06

666 Biblical Number of the Beast
660 Approximate Number of the Beast
DCLXVI Roman Numeral of the Beast
665 Number of the Beast's Older Brother
667 Number of the Beast's Younger Sister
668 Number of the Beast's Neighbor
999 Number of the Australian Beast
333 Number of the Semi-Beast
66 Number of the Downsized Beast
6, uh... I forget Number of the Blond Beast
666.0000 Number of the High Precision Beast
665.9997856 Number of the Beast on a Pentium
0.666 Number of the Millibeast
X / 666 Beast Common Denominator
0.00150150... Reciprocal of the Beast
-666 Opposite of the Beast
666i Imaginary Number of the Beast
6.66 x 102 Scientific Notation of the Beast
25.8069758... Square Root of the Beast
443556 Square of the Beast
1010011010 Binary Number of the Beast
1232 Octal of the Beast
29A Hexidecimal of the Beast
2.8235 Log of the Beast
6.5913 Ln of the Beast
1.738 x 10289 Anti-Log of the Beast
00666 Zip Code of the Beast
666@hell.org E-mail Address of the Beast
www.666.com Website of the Beast
1-666-666-6666 Phone & FAX Number of the Beast
1-888-666-6666 Toll Free Number of the Beast
1-900-666-6666 Live Beasts, available now! One-on-one pacts! Only
$6.66 per minute! [Must be over 18!]
666-66-6666 Social Security Number of the Beast
Form 10666 Special IRS Tax Forms for the Beast
66.6% Tax Rate of the Beast
6.66% 6-Year CD Interest Rate at First Beast Bank of Hell ($666
minimum deposit, $666 early withdrawal fee)
$666/hr Billing Rate of the Beast's Lawyer
$665.95 Retail Price of the Beast
$710.36 Price of the Beast plus 6.66% Sales Tax
$769.95 Price of the Beast with accessories and replacement soul
$656.66 Wal-Mart Price of the Beast (next week $646.66!)
$55.50 Monthly Payments for Beast, in 12 easy installments
Phillips 666 Gasoline Used by the Beast (regular $6.66/gal)
Route 666 Highway of the Beast (where he gets his kicks!)
666 mph Speed Limit on the Beast's Highway
6-6-6 Fertilizer of the Beast
666 lb cap Weight Limit of the Beast
666 Minutes Weekly News Show about the Beast (airs daily from
Midnight to 11:06 a.m., on Cable Channel 666, of course)
666o F Oven Temperature for Cooking "Roast Beast"
666k Retirement Plan of the Beast
666 mg Recommended Minimum Daily Requirement of Beast
Lotus 6-6-6 Spreadsheet of the Beast
Word 6.66 Word Processor of the Beast
Windows 666 Bill Gates' Personal Beast Operating System
#666666 Font Color of the Beast (gray)
i66686 CPU of the Beast
666-I BMW of the Beast
IAM 666 License Plate Number of the Beast
Formula 666 All Purpose Cleaner of the Beast
WD-666 Spray Lubricant of the Beast
DSM-666 (rev) Diagnostic and Statistical Manual of the Beast
66.6 MHz FM Radio Station of the Beast
666 KHz AM Radio Station of the Beast
66 for 6 A Beastly Score for an Innings (in cricket)
6 for 66 Bowling Figures of the Beast
6/6/6 Birthday of the Beast

Keep talking Dude-I think you're starting to make some sense to him!

Something to Think About

Whenever you find yourselves declaring all those who don't entirely agree with you to be your enemies, a rational person ought to pull up short and rethink. You are multiplying your foes and diminishing your friends, and you should not do that unless it is a matter of the most extreme moral necessity.
MaxedOutMama-5/24/2006

The Nina

A replica of Columbus' ship that brought him to America and back and later to the Amazon sailed in for a weekend fundraiser at the Maritime Museum Annex on Gallant's Channel. This type ship was known as a "caravel," used by explorers in the Age of Discovery. Photos by my wife Jane!

Rigging 

Ship's Boat Plaque 

Plaque 

Mast with Flag 

More. 

The Nina sailed in today! 

Important Medical News

From E-Mail:

In Pharmacology, all drugs have two names, a trade name and generic name. For example, the trade name of Tylenol also has a generic name of Acetaminophen. Aleve is also called Naproxen. Amoxil is also called Amoxicillin and Advil is also called Ibuprofen.

The FDA has been looking for a generic name for Viagra.

After careful consideration by a team of government experts, the FDA recently announced that it has settled on the generic name of Mycoxafloppin. Also considered were Mycoxafailin, Mydixadrupin, Mydixarizin, Dixafix, and of course, Ibepokin.

Pfizer Corp. announced today that Viagra will soon be available in liquid form, and will be marketed by Pepsi Cola as a power beverage suitable for use as a mixer. It will now be possible for a man to literally pour himself a stiff one. Obviously we can no longer call this a soft drink, and it gives new meaning to the names of "cocktails", "highballs" and just a good old-fashioned "stiff drink." Pepsi will market the new concoction by the name of: "MOUNT & DO"

Thought for the day: There is more money being spent on breast implants and Viagra today than on Alzheimer's research. This means that by 2040, there should be a large elderly population with perky boobs and huge erections and absolutely no recollection of what to do with them.

James Lileks Translates Iranian Madman's Letter to President Bush

An example why James Lileks is the funniest writer in America today. How he produces consistently funny stuff at such a prolific rate is truly amazing. Here's today's offering where he translates the 18 page letter from Ahmadinejad.

News story: Iranian president Mahmoud Ahmadinejad has sent an eighteen-page letter to President Bush. No work on whether it was hand-written in tiny type, margin to margin, and wrapped in tinfoil. Herewith are some excerpts.

Dear Infidel Crusader Zionist sock-puppet Saudi-lackey depoiler of Mesopotamia woman-touching pigdog fiendish (293 words excised) Shah-licking son of a toad’s offal: I trust this finds you well. I have much on my mind, and have taken the pen to unburden my breast. I have enclosed a self-addressed stamped envelope should you wish to reply.

(429 words concerning Jewish penetration of the Postal System excised)

. . . Do you not realize you are beaten, as a donkey is beaten, but knoweth not his donkeyhood is cursed? Your comics have turned against you in your own lair, and mock you without mercy. We have seen the videos of the Meal of the Correspondents, and we know how your left regards the men of the laugh as prophets and seers. It is only a matter of time before Johnny Carson (applause be upon him) returns from occlusion to request that you, Mr. President, take the Slauson cutoff, get out of your car, and cut off your Slauson, Hi-yo, salaam. And a third part of the Slauson shall be stained with the tears of the womenfolk, and (9323 words excised)

. . . Our people glow with pride over our nuclear efforts, sometimes literally. I repeat that the enrichment is for peaceful purposes only, and we seek only peace, and peace is our goal, and there is nothing more we love than peace. Except death. Sorry; forgot. Death is definitely number one. In third place of things we love, well, there were those nice ice-cream desserts they had at this little place in Tehran. When I was Mayor I had them brought in on Fridays. Good times, good times. But once I found a hair.

(2356 words excised concerning Jewish penetration of the Iranian Dessert-Industrial complex)

... Na na na nah, nah, everything’s underground! And your Congressors cut funding for the nuclear bombs which permit the busting of the bunker. Na na na! I do a taunting dance and cock my hips mockingly! In sudden seriousness, please to be thank them for this, although we lost a day’s work in the labs due to the celebration. I even permitted the drinking of whiskey, and decreed that the suppliers of alcohol be only lightly killed. (549 repetitions of “na na na na” excised)

. . . and if you had the problem I have with razors you would know why my beard seems so tentative at times; if I may speak with you man to anointed hastener of the Apocalypse, how do you get such a smooth shave? A hot towel? Perhaps the Five-Blade Razor of which we have heard muttered rumors? Personally, I use an exfoliating agent which (8343 words excised)

. . . and Jack Bauer will not be able to save you this time, my friend. If there is an attack on our country we will double our aid to the Iraqi patriots, double our funding to Hezbollah and its female auxiliary wing Sisboombah, and double again our attempts to secrete through your borders weapons both chemical and biological.

Ah – er, reduce everything I said in the previous paragraph by half. We will START doing those things. Yes, that is the thing that is the ticket: start. We will also use our fearsome weapons of unspeakable lethality to destroy your planes before they are even built, let alone launched. We can sink your mighty aircraft carriers by shouting in unison, so great is our national will.

. . . Seriously, when I came to the UN and you didn’t even send a fruit basket, it hurt. Did you not see how well I was received? Did you not see the light of God that surrounded me when I spoke, how no one blinked as I related our message, how doves came out of my mouth and the pants of all were filled with flowers. Did you not note how the exact number of letters I spoke divided by the sum (in Euros) we paid the Chinese engineers was the winning lottery number the following week? Including the Powerball? And you seek to confound my work to bring back the Messiah and bring the world once more into the arms of Islam? Including all penguins?

What are you, nuts?

Sincerely and Death to America,

Mahmoud, descendant of Xerxes, 34th degree Mason, personal valet of the hidden Imam, and not just a member of the Hair Club for Men – I’m also the President! Death to America.

When Southern Fishermen Meet

"Hyamac"
"Lobuddy"
"Binearlong?"
"Coplours"
"Cetcheenny?"
"Goddafew"
"Kindarthay?"
"Bassencarp"
"Ennysizetoom?"
"Couplapowns"
"Hittinhard?"
"Sordalike"
"Wachoosen?"
"Gobbaworms"
"Fishinonaboddum?"
"Rydownonaboddum"
"Whatchadrinkin?"
"Jugajimbeam"
"Igoddago"
"Tubad"
"Seeyaroun"
"Yeahtakideezy"
"Guluck"

Try Your Hand Shooting the "Kitty Cannon"

Kill Your Weeds and Your Weiner in One Shot!

Pesticides may affect penis size
A renowned U.S. scientist supports a ban on the chemicals for cosmetic purposes.
By JOHN MINER, FREE PRESS HEALTH REPORTER
Pesticides may affect penis size
Zoologist Louis Guillette was drawn into London's pesticide-ban debate during a lecture stop at the University of Western Ontario yesterday. (Ken Wightman, LFP)

A renowned U.S. scientist who has documented fertility and sex changes -- including decreasing penis size -- due to environmental contamination says he wouldn't apply pesticides on his own lawn.

Delivering a special series of lectures this week at the University of Western Ontario, Louis Guillette has been drawn into London's lawn-care debate during question periods and talk-show interviews.

"The use of these compounds just for cosmetic reasons, just because you don't want to make dandelion wine from your yard or whatever, I think is inappropriate," Guillette, who is associate dean for research at the University of Florida, said in a lecture yesterday at UWO's Schulich School of Medicine and Dentistry.

Based on his own scientific investigations, Guillette said there's enough evidence pesticides put children, wildlife and the ecosystem at risk.

"Just because you can go buy them at the local stores doesn't meant that is appropriate use," he said.

A zoologist, Guillette has spent the last decade studying the influence of environmental contaminants on fetal development and reproductive systems of wildlife and humans, including the differences between alligators living in contaminated Florida lakes and those in cleaner ones.

He found abnormalities in sex organs, dramatic differences in egg-hatching rates and hormone levels.

Penis size of the animals from the polluted lake was smaller than animals from the less-polluted lake.

"This is important because it is not just an alligator story. It is not just a lake story. We know there has been a dramatic increase in penile and genital abnormalities in baby boys," Guillette said.

A followup study by another scientist involving healthy couples with 5,000 healthy babies also found reduced penis size with higher contamination levels.

"Are (their penises) so small they are actually having problems? We don't know. These are baby boys," he said.

But rodent studies have indicated more difficulty with fertility and other aspects later on, he said.

The researchers also found the alligators from contaminated water had abnormal ovaries. Some of the abnormalities were traced to chemical compounds with estrogen, a sex hormone. Estrogenic-type compounds are found in some pesticides, including atrazine, mostly widely used in North America for weed control.

Guillette said he doesn't support a total pesticide ban, saying their use is proper for public health and probably in agriculture. But when people can reduce their exposure they should, he said.

Things guys over 30 should never do!

From Esquire:


1. Coin his own nickname.

2. Use a wallet that is fastened with Velcro.

3. Rank his friends in order of best, second best, and so on.

4. Hacky sack. [I need enligtening on this termonology]

5. Name his penis his name plus junior. [ this one I totally agree with! Hmm..., let your wife or girl name it instead!LOL]

6. Hang art with tape.

7. Hang The Scream, unless he stole it from the Munch museum in Oslo.

8. Ask a policeman, "You ever shoot anybody with that thing?"

9. Ask a woman, "Hey, you got a license for that ass?" [this one is lame!]

10. Skip. [Enough said - oh boy!]

11. Take a camera to a nude beach.

12. Let his father do his taxes.

13. Tap on the glass.

14. Shout out a response to "Are you ready to rock?" [even at a concert?]

15. Use the word collated on his resume.

16. Hold a weekly house meeting with roommates.

17. Name pets after Middle Earth characters.

18. Jokingly flash gang signs while posing for wedding photos.

19. Give shout-outs.

20. Use numbers in place of words or locations, such as "the 411" for information, or "the 313" for Detroit.

21. Hug amusement-park characters.

22. Wear Disney-themed neckties.

23. Wake up to a "morning zoo."

24. Compare the trajectory of his life with those of the characters in Billy Joel's "Scenes from an Italian Restaurant."

25. Request extra sprinkles.

26. Air drum.

27. Choose 69 as his jersey number.

28. Eat Oreo cookies in stages.

29. Volunteer to be a magician's assistant.

30. Sleep on a bare mattress.

31. End a conversation with "later skater."

32. Hold his lighter up at a concert.

33. Publicly greet friends by shouting, "What's up, you whore?"

34. Wear Converse All Stars with a tuxedo.

35. Propose via stadium Jumbotron.

36. Decide anything based on the ruminations of Howard Stern.

37. Call "shotgun" before getting in a car.

38. Dispute someone else's call of "shotgun."

39. Whine.

40. Mist up during Aerosmith's "Dream On."

41. Purchase fireworks.

42. Google the word vagina.

43. Ride a pony.

44. Sport an ironic mustache.

45. Hit 13 against a 6.

46. Organize a party bus.

47. Say "two points" every time he throws something in the trash.

48. Buy a novelty postcard in another country of topless women on a beach and write, "Wish you were here" on it.

49. Keg stands.

50. Purchase home-brewing paraphernalia.

51. The John Travolta point-to-the-ceiling-point-to-the-floor dance move; also that one from Pulp Fiction.

52. Put less than ten dollars' worth of gas in the tank.

53. Keep a minuscule amount of marijuana extremely well hidden.

54. Read The Fountainhead.

55. Watch the Pink Floyd laser light show at a planetarium.

56. Refer to his girlfriend's breasts as "the twins."

57. Own a vanity plate.

58. Whippits.

59. Say goodbye to anyone by tapping his chest and even so much as whispering, "Peace out."

Thought for the Day

After a certain hour, the likelihood of something good happening diminishes. Between midnight and 1 a.m., bad begins to make its move. At 2 a.m., bad takes the lead. After 2 a.m., it's bad, by 20 lengths.

Horrible Crash in Germany!

Attached is a gut-wrenching picture of a horrible highway accident in Germany (taken by a friend of mine).

The picture may be harder on some people than others so be careful in passing it around. If you look closely you can see what appears to be some survivors still in the wreckage. Although the picture is graphic, it makes you realize how quickly our loved ones can be taken from us.

My friend stayed on the scene to help and even though he performed mouth to mouth on several of them, none survived.