We're Crazier Than You!

I found this rant originally written by Laurence Simon shortly after 9/11-it was linked on Wizbang. Pretty funny stuff.

This is a post from a CNN message board: Orion
Ramsey - Friday, 09/21/01, 2:35:00pm (#58980 of
58989)

To those extremists that perpetrated this crime
against our nation, I have a warning for you.
There are those of us who look at your actions as
irrational, twisted, and completely inhuman. By
all measures, what you have done can only be seen
as insane. I have news for you. We're more nuts
than you, and it should scare you s***less.

You may think that when you die for your cause,
you go to Paradise with 72 virgins, can leave
reservations for 70 members of your family, all
your sins are forgiven, and you sit at the side of
Allah. Big deal. We had 39 guys who rented a
Beverly Hills mansion, cut off their nuts, built a
web site, and proceeded to poison themselves to
death to hitch a ride with aliens out on the
Hale-Bopp comet.

You shoot guns into the sky to celebrate victories
over enemies, and people are killed by the bullets
raining down on them. We not only do this for New
Year's Eve in some cities, but we burn houses
down, tear up streets, loot and sack our stores,
and beat ourselves senseless when our sports teams
win championships.

Sports teams! We made a sequel to Police Academy
5. We gave an award for singing to two guys who
never even sang. We put little sweaters on dogs.
We shot John Lennon six times and didn't even aim
for Yoko Ono. We think Elvis is still alive. We
put Braille on drive-up automatic teller machines.
We think that a simple button on a web site that
says "Do not click if you're under 21" will do
anything but cause a person under 21 to click on
it. We take a large chunk of the island on which
those buildings you destroyed sat and pretend that
it isn't a part of our country after all, let
people fly into our airports that we want to kill,
drive them in limousines to speak against us on
this "pretend territory" land, let them drive back
to our airport, and let them fly them back home
without a scratch. We sell hot dogs in packages of
ten and the buns in packages of eight. We can't
even decide if pitchers should have to bat for
themselves