Our Taxpayer Dollars at Work

I look in my inbox this morning and I see that it contains a blue, 3x8 card with the county seal at the top. It is a card with instructions to use, "IN CASE OF A BOMB THREAT." There is no way to summarize the absurdity of the content, so I will set it out verbatim (and word for word).

IN CASE OF A BOMB THREAT

Questions to Ask: (presumably of the caller)

1. When is the bomb going to explode?
2. Where is it right now?
3. What does it look like?
4. What kind of bomb is it?
5. What will cause it to explode?
6. Did you place the bomb?
7. Why?
8. What is your address?
9. What is your name?



EXACT WORDING OF THE THREAT


_______________________________________________________________________________________
_____________________________________________________________________________________
_____________________________________________________________________________________
_____________________________________________________________________________________

The reverse of the card contains a list where the "callee" can check boxes to further identify the "bomber."


CALLER'S VOICE

___Calm _____Nasal
___Angry _____Stutter
___Excited _____Lisp
___Slow _____Raspy
___Rapid _____Deep
___Soft _____Ragged
___Loud _____Clearing throat
___Laughter _____Deep Breathing
___Crying _____Crackling Voice
___Normal _____Disguised
___Distinct _____Accent
___Slurred _____Familiar

If the voice is familiar, what did it sound like?
___________________________________________________________________________________
___________________________________________________________________________________
___________________________________________________________________________________


BACKGROUND SOUNDS

___Street Noises _____Factory Machines
___Crockery _____Animal Noises
___Voices _____Clear
___PA System _____Static
___Music _____Local
___House Noises _____Ragged
___Motor _____Long Distance
___Office Machinery _____Booth

Other:___________________________________________________________________________
_________________________________________________________________________________



THREAT LANGUAGE

___Well Spoken _____Incoherent
___Taped _____Irrational
___Message read by threat maker


REMARKS:

___________________________________________________________________________________
___________________________________________________________________________________
___________________________________________________________________________________
Sex of Caller____
Length of Call___________
Time:_______________ Date:_____________


I will take a photo of this card tonight to verify it's existence. I have some questions about this government document that I assume I am paying for, but first, it's lunchtime.